|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| life has become extremely exhausting for me. physically, mentally, emotionally. I'm exhausted. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if that's really me. It's like I expect to see someone else. Someone I used to be years ago. I've had so many experiences, so many changes thrust upon me in the past 4.5 years so fast that it's hard to remember who I really am under all these new experiences. I want to take the time to look at myself and ask 'who am i'? but when I figure out who I am will i even know that person at all?
I hate my guilt. I hate having to be swayed by every demand from the outside. Having to bend to other people's wills. Why can I not just stand strong and realize it's not the end of the world. do other people even care as much as me? or will they forget it as soon as it's passed? why does my conscience have to cling to me in such an exhausting way? I can't escape from it. And with that comes such a tender heart that I fall apart at any amount of criticism or offense. Why is my self worth so small that I can't see beyond other's doubts and stand strong against other's words?
if the other is just another then why do I care what they think?
the truth is, the other is always better than me.
| | |
| hi eric. i'm dating you...
love, teri | | |
| Xanga has threatened to delete me unless I post something. rar.
Yesterday was Pentecost and we went to Lakeland and met with Ocala, Orlando, Tampa and St. Pete-- and some Jax people and maybe more. Actually, there were more including a Marylandite/Marylandian/Marylanian. So, it was great.
We sang a 'song for Ruth'. i put it on youtube so i could show someone... if anyone is super curious.
Actually we were very late, but Sarah got there in time for offertory, I had to forgo doing hymns though.
and then sarah and I chatted with our favorite scholar... "who you gonna call? ... nathan albright"
----
I'm going to Ohio in 10 days.
and now i will return to reading the Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo
| | |
| "What is it about flaky guys that attracts girls like flies to rotten meat?"
this question was posed to me tonight and I have taken it upon myself to explain why this strange occurrence continues to take place in the world we live regardless of wars, famines, poverty, etc. etc. The simple truth is; most some Girls like flakes.
What constitues a flake?
Some of you might be wondering "am I a flake?" the answer probably is "yes". The possibility that someone in this world thinks you are flake is like 98.9789 percent. for realz. Whether another person's opinion determines who or what you are, I do not know. I will leave that up to Nietzsche and the like.
here is a quick list of things that flakes like to do:
- be so completely indecisive that you never make up your mind, or by the time you finally do it's too late to doing anything about it anyway
- say you will come to visit someone else and then realize at the last minute that you don't have enough money bc you don't have a job and are in debt anyway
- say you'll call someone, but don't do it until you're about to do something else leaving minimal time to actually converse about anything other than "you have to go"
- say you like someone and then change your mind within a week and then change it back again, and then say 'i don't know' like ten times.
- say you'll be somewhere and then just don't show up
- tell someone repeatedly that you want to hang out and then stop returning their phone calls to avoid any confirmation of plans
this is just a brief list of things a flake might say or do. (or not do as the case may be!)
-------
You might like a flake if you . . .
- flake out a lot yourself
- are incredibly indecisive
- like to feel unsure about said feelings of other party
- enjoy playing games (uhm not like monopoly or anything)
- enjoy a challenge that has no winner and reaps no lasting reward
- have really low standards
- are really really "P"
-----
But in my opinion, the real reason is because when a flake actually starts caring about someone else and can focus and become slightly decisive about what they want or who they want to be with and start making actions that show they are really trying to overcome their flakines... then it means even more.
it's like a baby trying to walk.
no one applauds when i walk around on two feet, but when a baby does it everyone is like "WOW that baby is walking." the baby doesn't usually walk, so when it does it's like a "special occasion".
so, in summary:
i'm kind of flaky.
and maybe it's not that girls actually like flakes, it's just that when a flake tries to not be a flake it means they are trying to overcome themselves in order to be with you.
| | |
| "what is that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the words I have read in my life."
- walt whitman.
poor xanga. poor relationships lost. such clarity can be found when you are able to sort out your thoughts.
anyway.
life is nice. it's nice to be alive and to be healthy. it's nice to wake up and have the sun shining. it's easy to be nice to people when you feel nice. when you feel like suck then you make everyone else's life a little bit worse. and by YOU i mean ME/I.
I've reading a lot of Please Understand Me Part Deux this past month. I'm just so interested in the way other people think- bc they are so different than my own ways. And everyone thinks their own way is right and everyone else is wrong. This is false. It's only wrong to you because you believe differently.
anyway. I like it. | | |
|
